Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
how does that bad decision feel?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
