So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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