I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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