I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
only if we run a train.
done.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
