Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
