Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
