Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
