Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
