I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
