You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We are all done wearing pants today
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
