I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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