I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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