I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I could make wine with my vomit
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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