He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
