If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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