I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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