Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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