sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I pour the whiskey from now on
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
