i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
