My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
What a dumb baby whore.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
