Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
