no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
