Duck Duck Cougar?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
And then my night got REAL pukey
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
