Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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