You made me cry and you don't even care
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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