are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
