from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
