im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
