Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
