Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
