I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
