You just made me feel so damn special
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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