if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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