she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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