and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
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Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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