Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
