Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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