Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
