I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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