You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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