I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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