i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
