Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
