It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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