He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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