I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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