i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
