OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
