you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
