9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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