you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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