She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
