I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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