god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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