i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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