Apparently you make a good broom.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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