ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
