im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
