He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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