Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
