I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
