i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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