well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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