I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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