Define "chronic" masturbator.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
