So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
