She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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