I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
