So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
