i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
