Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the condom got lost in my hair
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
