If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
