I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
