I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
